I'm Pathetic and I Admit it

My wonderful people, I have a confession to make. It's New Years Eve and I should have a special, end of the year post ready. But guess what, I have no clue what to write!

Everyone's posting about goals and what they achieved this year and all that other wonderful stuff, but I have nothing to add.

I probably should make some goals, but I'm going to be completely honest, I never stick to them. And I know it. New Years goals never really work for me. But tell me something, who does stick to their goals?

And looking back on this year, well I've only been blogging a couple of weeks, so a quick glance at it would look something like this:

This years marks the beginning, the day (13th of December), when I took the plunge and started this blog. It's been a big year, full of highs and lows and a totally of 20 posts. I can't believe we've come such a long way in these months days.

Hahaha, no, that doesn't really work. And I don't really have anything in my real life to look back on which would interest you guys, unless breaking my brother's arm counts (But I've been told I shouldn't be proud of that).

So here I am, stuck with no ideas for the new year, so guys, please take over from my pathetic attempt. What are your goals? Do you find it easy or hard to stick to new years goals? How has your year been? What was your highlight?

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Saylor Malka

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What I Wish My Parents Had Told Me

There is something I wish my parents had told me growing up. Something about myself I wish I hadn't tried to hide, to squash. And it's one of those things which makes me...me.

So what do I wish my parents had told me? Well, the truth is, I wish they'd told me that being a bookworm is cool.

When I was little and learning to read, I had a lot of trouble. I just couldn't get the hang of it. I thought I was stupid and that I'd been doomed to be illiterate for ever.

But then something clicked and suddenly I was reading everything I could get my hands on. You couldn't get my head out of my books.

At first my parents were delighted. Their daughter wasn't so stupid after all. At first they encouraged me. Kept supplying me with more books.

But slowly comments started arriving, 'how many hours have you been reading for?'

'Surely you've read enough for today?'

'Why don't you put down the books and do something else?'

I know they were just trying to look out for me, but I felt that they had something against my books. It got to the point where I was afraid to be seen with a book. I tried to hide my reading. To do it in secret.

I was given the impression reading was a waste of time. That I should be out in the world doing things. That my parents didn't like my books.

This was how I grew up, thinking that being a bookworm was a bad thing. A disease. That only lazy people read as much as me.

I never told people about my love of books. I never admitted to hiding a book under my pillow so that I could read after lights out.

If only I knew what I knew now. If only my parents had told me being a bookworm was cool. If they'd encouraged me to read.

Instead they discouraged it. Forcing me to hide my true self. All their constant comments made me feel I wasn't enough. That I was failing. It ruined my self esteem.

So yes, that's what I wish my parents had told me. No I don't hate them for it. I know they wanted the best for me, but it turns out books was what I truly needed.

I don't know what the point of this post is. To tell you that being a bookworm is cool? That you should never let someone stop you from doing what you love? Or simply to rant about something that's on my mind.

Anyway, if you made it the whole way through this post, then points to you. You're the true friend. And I hope you got something about of this.

Now tell me, what is something you've always loved? And what is something you've always been afraid to tell people about?

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Saylor Malka

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It's Never Too Late for Your Perfect Life

No words today. Sorry, I won't subject you to anymore of my writing for today. *listens to the sighs of relief* But I'm also sorry, because I'm in one of those moods where I need to rant.

It's almost the end of the year, which means looking back. And let me just say, there is nothing more depressing than that.

Everything has felt so busy, so rushed this year. I've had nearly no time. I've panicked that life has been passing me by without my even noticing it.

But looking back, I also feel like nothing has happened. Yes I was constantly busy, but I haven't gone anywhere. I didn't have those huge achievements or life changing events. It was all a bit the same.

It's scary to look back. To wonder 'am I making the most of my time of earth? Could I have done more?'

But to move forward we must look back, know who we are and where we come from. Then we can move on, using this knowledge to make better use of our future.

Yes, it's sad to see lost time, but I believe it's never too late. You can still go out there and do wonders. You can still change the world. Do big things.

It's never too late. Just because this year didn't work out how you'd have liked, doesn't mean your future is doomed. Go out there, make next year better. The best you've ever had.

Never stop striving to make your life better every single day.

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Saylor Malka

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You Are My Best Friend...Oh, Sorry, I was Talking to my Cat

That warm purr grows in your throat as my hand sinks into your fur. I gently stroke the top of your head, wondering how you get softer every time I touch you.

I feel your body move under my fingers, as you crawl farther onto my lap, knocking my book out of my hands and onto the floor where it lies forgotten.

I smile, burying my face into your tiny body. Breathing in your soft scent. Tea tree oil, like the shampoo I washed you with yesterday.

Your claws open and close, gently needing into my leg. I can feel them pricking the skin beneath my jeans. But I don't move away, I just pull you closer, sucking in your warmth, your comfort, your never questioning love.

Who needs chocolate or a dog or even love when they have you? My favourite person in the world. My cat.

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Saylor Malka

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Dance For Me

"Dance for me," he cried, his voice loud and full of power.

I wanted to refuse the order. To tell him to go to Hell, but my feet started moving on their own. They delicately hopped over the ground, despite my willing them to stop. My whole body shook as I tried to fight it.

The light tinkle of music played around us in time to the dance my feet tapped out. My eyes widened with fear, I couldn't stop. I had no control of my body.

"Let me go," my voice cried. "Remove the spell."

"No little angel, you're mine now. My little dancer," he chuckled, stepping in and taking my hands, joining the dance.

There was nothing I could do to stop him. I found my hands grasping his, letting him lead me under his arm. His grip was firm and cold. Very cold. Like ice.

I'd never danced like this before. I'd never known I had these skills. Or did I? Was it all just the spell? I couldn't be sure.

Tears came to my eyes and trickled down my face, but still I couldn't stop or even slow. Every movement was perfect and precise. I couldn't make a mistake if I tried. Tears trickled off the end of my chin.

"I always said you were more talented, more beautiful than them all," he whispered in my ears. His voice went shivers through me. "And I was right." He stepped away, "come with me, dance for me."

I wanted to complain, yell that I'd never. But I would. I had no choice. I couldn't disobey an order.

My heart cried in agony. No one could save me now. I'd pushed everyone away, determined to save myself, and now I could do nothing but obey.

I'm sorry, my thoughts cried. I didn't mean it. I love you. I always have. Please come, save me from this monster. I need you. I sent the silent message out into the night, my heart full of fright.

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Saylor Malka

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That Christmas Feeling

Why does Christmas feel so special?

Is it the smells that fill the air? The gingerbread, pies and ham. The constant food laid out for us to nibble on.

Is it the presents laid around the tree? Waiting for us to gift each other. Wrapped in the shiniest paper and string.

Is it the people we love? Laughing together as we eat, open gifts, spend Christmas together.

Is it getting up in the middle of the night, just to go to church? Is it listening to those carols being sung? The one's we've heard our whole lives.

Is it the chance to dress up prettily? Do our makeup and hair. Take a few extra minutes for the photos.

Or is it all this and more? So much more. That feeling no one can explain. It surrounds us. Engulfs us. Filling us with shivers of delight and giggles. That once a year, Christmas feeling.

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Saylor Malka

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Have a Very Merry Christmas // And Stop Stalking the Internet

GUYS!!! Merry Christmas all you beautiful people. Okay, so how many are you online to read this today? If you're raising your hand, stop, close the lid of your computer. This is a day for those special in your life, a day to enjoy. Don't ruin it with the distractions of the internet.

But, in all honesty, I just wanted to jump in here real fast and say Merry Christmas and have a brilliant day.

No huge post today, I have too many more important things to do, like eating far too much food (especially those chocolates), presents and family gossip time.

So go, enjoy your day and may God be with you.

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Saylor Malka

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