A Saylor in the Stars: Words

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You Are My Best Friend...Oh, Sorry, I was Talking to my Cat

Posted on Thursday, 28 December 2017

That warm purr grows in your throat as my hand sinks into your fur. I gently stroke the top of your head, wondering how you get softer every time I touch you.

I feel your body move under my fingers, as you crawl farther onto my lap, knocking my book out of my hands and onto the floor where it lies forgotten.

I smile, burying my face into your tiny body. Breathing in your soft scent. Tea tree oil, like the shampoo I washed you with yesterday.

Your claws open and close, gently needing into my leg. I can feel them pricking the skin beneath my jeans. But I don't move away, I just pull you closer, sucking in your warmth, your comfort, your never questioning love.

Who needs chocolate or a dog or even love when they have you? My favourite person in the world. My cat.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

Dance For Me

Posted on Wednesday, 27 December 2017

"Dance for me," he cried, his voice loud and full of power.

I wanted to refuse the order. To tell him to go to Hell, but my feet started moving on their own. They delicately hopped over the ground, despite my willing them to stop. My whole body shook as I tried to fight it.

The light tinkle of music played around us in time to the dance my feet tapped out. My eyes widened with fear, I couldn't stop. I had no control of my body.

"Let me go," my voice cried. "Remove the spell."

"No little angel, you're mine now. My little dancer," he chuckled, stepping in and taking my hands, joining the dance.

There was nothing I could do to stop him. I found my hands grasping his, letting him lead me under his arm. His grip was firm and cold. Very cold. Like ice.

I'd never danced like this before. I'd never known I had these skills. Or did I? Was it all just the spell? I couldn't be sure.

Tears came to my eyes and trickled down my face, but still I couldn't stop or even slow. Every movement was perfect and precise. I couldn't make a mistake if I tried. Tears trickled off the end of my chin.

"I always said you were more talented, more beautiful than them all," he whispered in my ears. His voice went shivers through me. "And I was right." He stepped away, "come with me, dance for me."

I wanted to complain, yell that I'd never. But I would. I had no choice. I couldn't disobey an order.

My heart cried in agony. No one could save me now. I'd pushed everyone away, determined to save myself, and now I could do nothing but obey.

I'm sorry, my thoughts cried. I didn't mean it. I love you. I always have. Please come, save me from this monster. I need you. I sent the silent message out into the night, my heart full of fright.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

That Christmas Feeling

Posted on Tuesday, 26 December 2017

Why does Christmas feel so special?

Is it the smells that fill the air? The gingerbread, pies and ham. The constant food laid out for us to nibble on.

Is it the presents laid around the tree? Waiting for us to gift each other. Wrapped in the shiniest paper and string.

Is it the people we love? Laughing together as we eat, open gifts, spend Christmas together.

Is it getting up in the middle of the night, just to go to church? Is it listening to those carols being sung? The one's we've heard our whole lives.

Is it the chance to dress up prettily? Do our makeup and hair. Take a few extra minutes for the photos.

Or is it all this and more? So much more. That feeling no one can explain. It surrounds us. Engulfs us. Filling us with shivers of delight and giggles. That once a year, Christmas feeling.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

Looking Past What People Say

Posted on Saturday, 23 December 2017

I was the first person to look past what people said about you. Past the rumours and warnings. I'll admit all I saw was that bad boy. The one who liked to make a mess and leave it for others to clean up.
But then life threw us together. Forced us to get along. I had to look past everything. And that's when I found you. The real you.
The one who was broken and hurting. The one who cared deeply for his family. Who would risk everything for someone he loved.
You regret so much, but don't know how to fix what you've done. You need to move on, but can't.
I found the boy who loves animals, and seaside walks. The one who listens to classical music in the shower and goes on coffee dates with his mum.
Slowly you've opened up, let me into your life. Let me know who you are. And you're not what other people see. What I used to see.
None of it's true. People have the wrong idea about you. They blame you for what you haven't done. But you won't complain. You won't defend yourself.
No one knows you like I do. Life made us look past our first impressions of each other and we found love.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

Too Afraid to Trust...Too Afraid to Love

Posted on Thursday, 21 December 2017

Why do I feel so afraid? Does everyone feel like this when they fall in love? It's not that I don't trust you, but I've been let down too many times before. Too many people have been hurt.
I long to be around you. I yearn for your company when you're not around. I construct imaginary conversations in my head, telling you everything in my life.
The feeling of your touch sends electric shocks through my body. I can't help but smile at your jokes. I could listen to your voice for hours.
You always get so serious when you talk about us, it makes me nervous. You tell me you'll always be here for me. That you dream of a future together. Why do I feel so scared?
I can imagine life with you. Cooking your meals, waking up beside you, having your children. But to hear you talk about it makes me go silent.
Is this how everyone feels? Should I feel this way? Is it true love? Or simply nothing real at all?

Saylor Malka

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The Story of My Love

Posted on Wednesday, 20 December 2017

We used to play together as kids. Spend whole days exploring the world. Believing our friendship would last forever. Never knowing girls weren't supposed to like boys.
People grew up around us. Whispered at how cute we were. They'd ask me about my 'boyfriend'. I didn't understand.
Playgrounds and street games turned to school and study. Meeting on the weekends to chat and giggle together. Nothing could lessen our friendship.
Other friends arrived. We each grew our own circles. People whispered in our ears. They influenced our thoughts.
Instead of meeting on the weekends, we'd hang out with friends. Drifting apart, we spoke less and less, until we hardly knew each other at all.
I grew up, left school, got a job. I didn't know what happened to you. You were just a memory of a childhood long past.
A work trip to a far off place changes everything. I stumble upon you again. You hardly recognise me. It's been so long.
Hours of talking, every free minute spent catching up. Friendship rekindles. Maybe something more.
The work trip ends, but the friendship doesn't. We stay in contact. We're closer than we've ever been before. Every free minute is devoted to you.
And then you arrive on my doorstep. Tell me that I'm all that matters in your life. That you'd love to spend forever with me. You ask your childhood friend to be your wife. In that moment I knew, yes it would last forever and beyond.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

My Comfort

Posted on Tuesday, 19 December 2017

You slide into the seat next to me. I feel your hands softly brush away the tears from my cheeks.
"It will be okay," you whisper in my ear.
I turn a red stain face towards you. "How? Everything is broken? How do I fix it?"
You wrap an arm around my shoulders, "I didn't say you could. Some things can't be fixed, but that doesn't mean we won't get through them."
I sob harder. "I want things to go back to how they were. I want things to be perfect again."
You make soothing noises, rocking me back and forth. "It hurts. I know, but I'm here for you. I can't fix things, but I can be with you. We can face it together."
My breathing calms. I blow my nose. "Will I ever feel myself again?"
You consider this. "No, you will never be the same again. But you'll be even better. You'll overcome this and be stronger and braver than ever before. I believe in you."

Saylor Malka

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In Words

With You By My Side

Posted on

Waking up to the smell of his cooking. Hearing his voice calling to me from the kitchen. Knowing he's mine.
The smile that creeps upon my face. The fuzziness of the slippers I slide onto my feet. The watering of my mouth.
Rushing to the kitchen. His good morning embrace. Warm and comforting. Snuggling against him.
The taste of food. The laughter of our conversation. Knowing my life is perfect.
Having him there. Watching his every movement. Kissing his lips. Knowing I'll never be alone as long as he's around.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

Don't Wait

Posted on Monday, 18 December 2017

What are you waiting for? What holds you back? Why do you keep saying 'if only...', 'I dream of...', 'in the future I will...'?
What's wrong with today? Why can't today be the day? Don't wait. Live your best life today. Live your dreams today.
Don't you know tomorrow never comes? It's never the right time. You're going to waste away your life, just wishing.
Go out there. Take a risk. Do what terrifies you. Push yourself past your boundaries. And then you will find happiness and life. Don't wait. Live today.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

How Can You Judge?

Posted on Sunday, 17 December 2017

Don't judge my pain. Just because you don't feel so deeply or care as much. You moved on, but I stay buried in hurt.
How can you laugh at me? Have you felt the hurt I feel daily? Do you have to live with the memories of what I've seen?
There is a time to move on. I must forgive and forget, but not now. Now is too soon.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

A Broken World

Posted on Saturday, 16 December 2017

It's funny how one sentence can change you. How someone's words can cut so deep. They leave you numb and broken. Lost in a world that's moving on around you.
No one can hear how your heart screams. How every breath, movement, day hurts. They have no time for your pain.
Suddenly you're alone in a cruel world. Left with no one. Nothing will ever feel the same again. You can't fix this kind of wound. It's eternal.
The tears come in the night. In the day you feel empty. No longer part of the world, just a bystander watching everything play out.
Everyday you wake, hoping it was all a dream, everyday that hope gets smaller and smaller. You must face the world again, this time alone.

Saylor Malka

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In Words

Your Promise

Posted on Friday, 15 December 2017

Your body shakes as you laugh. You always find me funny. When your eyes meet mine, I can't help a smile reaching my lips. I yearn to step closer, for your arm to wrap around my body, warming me.
You ask if I'm okay, if the air's too cold. Your jacket is already sliding around my shoulders, surrounding me with your scent. I snuggle inside it's warmth.
You make me feel special, like I'm prettier than the others. You never see my scars, to you they're invisible. Your compliments make me blush and look away.
Your breath is warm on my neck as you lean in close, wrapping your fingers around mine.
"I'll always be here for you," you whisper softly.

...
Please don't judge too harshly. This was just some stupid writing I was doing last night. I know it's not perfect or anything, but I wanted to share it with you anyway.

Would you like to see more of my writing? Because I'd love to share if you want to see it.

Saylor Malka

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In Words